When The Sun Comes Up

Aubrie Gay

When the sun goes down, I'll sit and think about you. I’ll think about how you told me

you’d never leave me. I’ll think about how you promised to call me.

The phone never rang.

When the sun goes down, my mother will catch me thinking about you.

She’d tell me in an empathetic tone, “You can’t change someone else's choices. She’s not

worth it”.

But you were worth it. You were worth so much to me. I thought of you as a sister. Blood

or not.

When the sun goes down, I’ll think about how much you changed me. How much you

made me realize how awful of a friend you were. But then I’ll think about her. The girl I grew up with.

When I sit and think of you I feel regret. The regret of letting you go, yet there’s a regret

trusting you. Of letting you stay in my life for so long.

Regret. Regret. Regret.

When the sun goes down, I think of how much time I spent crying over a girl I no longer

know. Someone who seems too close yet too far.

I’ll sit and think about you. I always seem to think of you. I see your face everywhere. I

saw the girl I knew.

That girl’s long gone.

When the sun comes up, I’ll convince myself I’m fine.

I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine.

Five Months Later

When the sun goes down, I still think of you. I’ll think about how much I miss you. How nostalgic it feels when I see your face. I’ll stop myself at that point. The regret still creeps its

way into my chest. The only regret is for trusting you.

When the sun goes down, I’ll picture your face. You’re a different person. I’ll realize I no longer miss you, only the girl I once knew, the girl I grew up with. I don’t miss your laugh or

your voice. I think of you and I feel nothing. Nothing but that regret.

A Year Later

When the sun goes down I don't miss you. I don't miss anything about you. Not your

smile. Not your voice. Not the girl I once knew.

Because when the sun comes up, you don’t matter. You're nothing but a memory of

someone I once knew.

When the sun comes up, I don’t feel any regret. You taught me to accept change. That’ll

be the only good thing I remember about you.

When the sun comes up, I'm happy again. Happy that you're a stranger. I’m happy that

I've accepted it.

My mother’s words will ring in my head repeatedly, “You can’t change someone else's

choices. She’s not worth it.”

That’s when I realized you weren’t worth it.

When the sun comes up, I forget about you. You don't matter to me,

anymore.